You guys, I know I say all the time how important it is for us moms to be in the photos. But I want you to know that I really mean it and show you how important it is!
As I was working on some things recently, I came across this session that I had my dear friend Krystal from Brayton Photography photograph almost two years ago.
This session was shot when I was 50lbs over weight, and in the midst of a spiraling deep dark depression. To the point that only a handful of months after this session, I wanted nothing more than to simply die (there is a blog post on that here).
I didn't really want to be photographed, being I was over weight, I was depressed, I thought I was failing at everything, and I hated myself. But at the time, my husbands Grandmother's health was failing and with the possibility of her death, came the possibility of her family camp no longer being in the family. It is such a special place to our family with so much love and fun memories. Not just for us and our children, but for my husband as a child as well.
As we were taking a staycation for a long weekend there, I invited Krystal up one evening to just capture us, as a family, enjoying the things we love about this special place.
When she sent me the gallery of images a few weeks later, I can honestly tell you, I looked through them and while I loved them, I also hated them.
I saw how 'fat' I was. I saw how depressed I was. I saw how exhausted I felt everyday. I saw all the 'imperfections' of me physically and mentally. And after looking through them, that was it. There they sat on my computer and a cd. I did nothing with them. About two months later our babysitter, who is simply such a part of our family that she stayed the weekend there with us and was also in the photos, asked me if I had gotten them. I showed them to her and then again, there they sat.
Until last week, almost two years later. And now I'm so grateful for them. I don't hate them anymore.
When I look at them now, I can look past my weight. And while I can still remember how I felt, how depressed I was, it no longer stands out to me in the photos.
What I see now, is the reason I made sure to have that session, in spite of how I felt at that moment. Because that session wasn't just for me, it wasn't about me. It was for my children and their children. It was about them, what they see. The memories they were making. The images were taken, so that 2 years later, 5 years, 15 years, down the road, they can look at them. They can remember the tiny details that our brains forget. They can remember the feeling of jumping off the dock. The feeling of knowing we cared enough to spend that time with them. To do something ordinary, but so special.
I look at the images now and I see my girls in their puddle jumpers, not quite ready to have me let go and jump in on their own. A boy finally being courages enough to jump off the dock, and the top of the boat.